Watchmen
Over the weekend I went with our friend Jacob to see the new movie, Watchmen. Just so you all know, I had no knowledge of the characters or story before going into the theater so you’re not gonna get any fanboy swoonings or whinings here. This will be just what you’ve come to expect from me: an honest review from a guy with questionable taste in movies.
Every time I tell someone that I saw the movie they ask what I thought, and honestly, I still haven’t completely made up my mind. Let’s do a pro and con list to decide.
PRO: First off, I’m a total sucker for alternate histories so the Nixon-led cold war 80s setting really grabbed me. Tie this in with what I thought was a very well done and playfully violent opening title sequence telling the history of the group and I had a very good feeling. I thought it would be 2 hours and 45 minutes of Zack Snyder kicking my ass. That’s not what happened, but I had some excited warm fuzzies for a little while.
CON: I was very conscious of the music during the film, which means that for me it wasn’t good. I’ve talked to a lot of people about this, and apparently some of it was called for in the graphic novel. However, having “99 Luftballons” completely overtake a scene was abrupt and insultingly heavy-handed.
PRO and CON: The characters were, for the most part, genuinely interesting, and the story kept a good pace, making me completely forget that the movie was so long.The story often found ways to dig into the past and let us know more about the histories of the characters. The Dr. Manhattan origin story was really one of the best superhero origins I’d seen on film, but trying this with some of the other characters left me struggling to remember what was actually going on in the plot. Straying so much might have done a lot to make readers of the comic squeal as they wet their pants in joy, but I think that in a movie it could have been handled better. Rorschach’s story was fuckin’ harsh, though. It was awesome.
PROish: This isn’t really something I personally enjoyed about the movie, but Jacob saw three guys get up and leave the theater when they saw Dr. Manhattan’s wang for the first time. Actually, when that happens you see four of his wangs, and on a theater screen it’s a real facefull.
For me, I think that the Pantone 298 is really just funny, and I’m sorry those other guys couldn’t appreciate a joke, whether it was intentional or not. But while we’re on the subject of nudity…
CON: I definitely appreciate nudity in film, and in most cases I say pile it on, but in the Silk Spectre/Night Owl love scene it’s gratuitous and creepy. Combine the fact that it lasts too long, dwells on Patrick Wilson’s thrusting ass, and is set to Leonard Cohen singing “Hallelujah” and you might be able to see where I’m coming from. Not even the hotness of a totally naked Malin Akerman made it worthwhile. I just wanted it to stop.
Alright, thinking back on the film it was a bit scattered, but I guess I liked it overall. It was well done, well shot, disgustingly pretty, and certainly entertaining. And if anyone’s worried about seeing it because they don’t like comic books, you should know that I think the story would work whether or not the characters are in costume. Try it out, maybe you’ll be able to figure out how you feel about it better than I could.
