Movies we've seen

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/10/A...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:25:00 -0500

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/10/AR2010031001225.html

Sadface.

Moon.

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 23:12:00 -0500

Michael is crashed out on the sofa “watching” (sleeping) Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, so I don’t think we’re going to talk about Moon. However, it’s still on my mind so I’m going rogue and typing solo.

Sam Rockwell is one of my favorite actors. It doesn’t matter whether he’s being reserved and deliberate or self-satisfied and loud, self-destructive, oblivious, hysterical, paranoid… he’s right on. Even when you notice Rockwell-isms (gestures or tones of voice that cross over), somehow he’s merged them into the character you’re watching without consequence. I always “buy” him, no matter what type of role he’s in. (I could be forgetting something, and by all means, call me out… but even as Guy in Galaxy Quest ! I mean, if he can pull off Crewman #6, what can’t he do!)

I have a bad habit of watching movies without the first clue to the plot. The story moved along pretty quickly, and when it was sluggish, it was in the context of the oppressive slowness of space.

Even though Moon was easy to follow and easy to predict, I was completely enthralled by the two Sams (the three Sams??). I loved watching old Sam and new Sam across from each other: two completely different versions of each other in look and demeanor, two men in different stages of a life, two different characters.

Definitely rent this one if you haven’t already.

She's Out of My League

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 12:10:00 -0500

Jay Baruchel Dates a Decently-Hot Chick comes out on March 12, but we had the privilege of seeing it in a preview. Alice Eve and Krysten Ritter were on hand to answer questions at the end, which I regret skipping out on (being that we are JOURNALISTS HERE) - but it was Monday and I was tired. Plus, this DJ from 99x was there announcing (loudly) and making people play games about STDs. Oh, and the Maneaters (H&O cover band) - ehh.

Michael didn’t like it much. I thought the dialogue was hysterical. Maybe it aspired to be an Apatow flick (having some of that improvisational feel, some cracked smiles from the squad of dudes that follow Baruchel around), but it mixed in just enough Farrelly Brothers that I had to deduct points.

Nobody ever thought it was going to be Oscar-worthy, so you know, see it. It’s cute and it has a sweet puppy in it.

Shutter Island

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:42:02 -0500

Can you believe it? We. finally. reviewed. something. I barely can myself.

Our first theater experience of 2010: Shutter Island, by the great divider Martin Scorsese who you either love or hate.

I guess I still side on hate, but I do love The Departed. Shutter Island is hazing my black-and-white view of Mr. Scorsese though, and I’m on the fence about it. Predictable yes. But character driven, decently acted and well organized.

Looking back though, The Departed has all these actors flinging their talent on each other in this crazy powerhouse of performance. Shutter Island was lopsided, with Leo emitting a steady pulse of awesomeness and everybody else dodging it. Except Patricia Clarkson who does no wrong.

Sorry about the chicken wings. I was hungry, and I knew if we didn’t review at that very moment, we’d never do it. EVER.

The "Relations" Edition

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:00:00 -0500

I was doing a crossword puzzle and Michael was watching clips of Pomplamoose on the interwebz when we suddenly started talking about our celebrity “Top 10”s. I’ve had some recent additions to mine, and Michael has had more like a “Top 2” for some time, so his list obviously needed some consideration. In case you aren’t following, “Top 10” stands for Top 10 Celebrities you would um, have “relations” with - and therefore our newest MWS blog, “The Relations Edition.”

For those of you thinking you can help me figure out the 5th man, I’ll tell you now it is none of the following: Robert Pattinson, Sam Elliott or Jon Hamm. And no, it is definitely not any Taylor Lautner. I said 5th man.

In case you can’t follow our ramblings, here are our lists in no particular order. I highly highly encourage you to consider your top 5s or 10s and leave your lists in the comments.

Michael:
Emily Blunt
Zooey Deschanel
Charlize Theron
Winona Ryder
Sandra Bullock
Milla Jovovich
Debbie Harry (circa 1978)
Alexis Bledel
Anne Hathaway
Christina Hendricks

Emily:
Ryan Gosling
Paul Rudd
Clive Owen
Paul Newman (circa Hud)
Nathan Fillion
Bradley Cooper
Joel McHale (recent addition!)
Hugh Jackman
Robert Downey Jr. (OR) Gerard Butler
#10, who are you????

Your Turn!

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:32:00 -0500

It’s true that I’m ashamed, but what better place to air my dirty laundry than my semi-public blog that I share with my (now) husband? I say semi-public on account of there being only what? 11 dedicated readers? I’m probably being generous to myself by that estimate.

Here it is people: I am a Twihard.

How could this happen to me?? You know I’ve seen the first movie. And if you’ve spoken to me since this summer, you know that I want to punch Stephanie Meyer in the FACE for writing this schlock which I so voraciously devoured over 5 days in June at the expense of my school work, my actual work and personal relationships all around. But how is it that I agreed to see the 12:01 a.m. screening of The Twilight Saga: New Moon last night with my glorious (now) sister-in-law?

Despite my intense desire to, I certainly can’t explain it, so I’ll move on to some kind of review of the actual movie.

Here’s the kicker people: It’s not.that.shabby. In fact, it is better in every way than the first movie, except for possibly in the score. I have serious love for Carter Burwell’s score on Twilight because it has the right blend of sappy sweet and creepy mystery. You didn’t really hear it, because it was the right backdrop to the visual and you only notice it when you stop to wonder what’s tugging on your emotion-strings.

Alexander Desplat, who did the New Moon score, has traditionally done scores for straight romance and fantasy movies. There’s obviously no denying that the Twilight saga is, at its core, a love story, but when you’re talking about creating a spooky, depressive Pac-NW mood, you need a lot more than warm strings and triumphant build-ups.

Regarding the performances, I have this to say: Kristen Stewart only a-flusteredly stuttered twice or three times in the whole movie! It was like they made her learn her lines. Brava, my dear! I almost bought it. As for the boys… well, Taylor Lautner shocked me. Granted, Jacob Black is supposed to be the friendly, genial character that we all want to max and chillax with, but Lautner hits the nail on the head. He’s found the exact balance the character needs between supportive, fun buddy and guy-who-has-more-feelings-for-you-than-you-have-for-him-and-it’s-a-little-embarrassing.

R-Patz? I mean, meh. For one, he’s barely in it. For two, they really over did the makeups, and even though it’s not his fault, I was so distracted by his femme-y face paint to pay that much attention to the big picture. In the books, I’m all about Team Edward; in New Moon the movie, Lautner comes out on top. Team Jacob, jokers! Does this make me skeezy?

Overall, the story was more coherent, the scenery and camera work were more impressive, and I just liked it. Perhaps the most welcome change from the original film was the introduction of humor. The movie was funny. And it was funny on purpose.

I dig what Chris Weitz did with this movie. He made it more lighthearted and fun, even though it has some pretty serious subject matter (death, suicide, violence). And parts of it looked like a (decent) music video. The soundtrack is good too, so it all gels in a nice way.

My only qualm - again, besides the score - was the way they CGI’d the reckless Edward sightings. I would have preferred a standard Pattinson standing there to the ethereal cloudy version, but I guess I can’t have everything.

I’m looking forward to Eclipse whenever that’s happening, and I won’t be ashamed! It was by far the best book (that is, the least ridiculous), and I’m very interested to see what David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night) is going to do with it. A) He pulls performances out of people, including the never-interesting Josh Hartnett and B) He’s made a scary vampire movie - let’s see what he can do with this franchise.

TEAM JACOB!

e/b(d) out.

Law Abiding Citizen

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:37:34 -0500

It’s been a trillion years since we saw this movie, so I’m trying to remember if we had any commentary aside from what we blabbed about.

As you may know, Michael and I were married in October, so our movie “coverage” got a little spotty there. But when I sift back through the brain archive of movie watching, wedding planning and that thing where you have to a month’s worth of work in one week to make up for leaving town, I think the only thing I can come up with to take away is that we like Gerry, and we hate Mr. Predictable Unpredictable Jamie Foxx.

F. Gary Gray is known for such awesomeness as Friday and the 2003 Italian Job remake. I like those movies but have no concept of what they might have in common with each other or with Law Abiding Citizen. Did I mention that we hate Jamie Foxx?

Pandorum

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:18:13 -0400

We’re back! Two reviews in one week, can you believe it?

The second half of last weekend’s “high school double feature” is a bright and sunny little deep space madness film called Pandorum (IMDb, trailer).

One thing I forgot to mention in the video was how well done I thought the film did at creating an environment with sound. Hearing the ship creak and groan like an old, nuclear-powered galleon full of creepy monsters took me out of the theater and put me in with the unfortunate crew.

Again, I suggest checking this one out in the theater, and what I mentioned is just one more reason to do that.

Jennifer's Body

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 22:28:38 -0400

We actually paid to see Jennifer’s Body. I’m not sure that I will recommend that you do the same, but as you will see from the review, we didn’t hate it. Michael was bored, and I was sort of interested in the “toxic friend” story-line because I’m a girl, and we both agreed that Adam Brody was by far the best part.

Some more words.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:53:00 -0400

We really suck at this blogging thing, hey guys? Lazy. Lazy.

Last week we watched Australia though, and I liked it a lot and wanted to spill brains about it. Baz Luhrmann usually makes painterly, vivid films that are really sad or at least moving (with the exception of Strictly Ballroom which was fun and mostly ugly.) So it was no surprise that Australia was beautiful and melancholy. But it was also stunning and thrilling at times, and I really enjoyed it.

There was some lameness surrounding the relationship between Drover and Mrs. Boss, just because it was a little too tongue-in-cheek puritanical, but once things got on an even keel it was sweet to see how this weird family unit operated. The little boy was totally phenomenal, and I fully understand Mrs. Boss’s need to raise him as her own son because I have the same irrational desire.

King George. Awesome. 1500 head of cattle. Awesome. Green screens and matte boards. Awesome. Sets that scream Baz. Awesome. Fist fights. Awesome. Double crosses. Awesome. Stampedes? Totally Awesome. Aboriginal culture? BADATH.

Anyways. That’s my totally ridiculous assessment of Australia. You should see it if you have like, 3 freakin’ hours to spare.

Fourth of July Weekend Movie Fest

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:31:16 -0400

We haven’t been doing many reviews, and for that we apologize. However, we did find ourselves laid up on sofas this weekend, watching another round of movies so you don’t have to. In no particular order:

The Transporter
The Transporter 2
The Transporter 3
Michael maintains that the second one is the best one, while the first one is boring and the third one jumps right into a crappy love story without enough Jason Statham being a badass. There are some pretty cars though.

Confessions of a Shopaholic
I had a bad week, so when Michael went to the store, he returned with Confessions of a Shopaholic and croissants instead of the frozen waffles I asked for. The croissants were okay but the movie was horrifical. Isla Fisher really needs to work on her American accent if she’s gonna keep being in our movies, and the character’s debt is practically imaginary. When they name how much debt she has, I almost ran around the room screaming, “16 thousand!? Is THAT all?? That’s like 2 Prada overcoats and 4 pairs of shoes!” (a.k.a., one really tame outing for this protagonist).

Airheads
It’s been a while since I’d seen this movie. There really isn’t much to say except, Holy Crap did you know how many people were in this stupid movie??

I Know Who Killed Me
The intro to this movie was full on Lynchian, and I was starting to wonder why it was so terrible when the title card came up. I couldn’t stop laughing. After having seen the other two most Razzie-winning films, Michael and I were disappointed though. I mean, it has Lindsay Lohan in it, and it’s pretty stupid and contrived, but is it really as bad as Showgirls? Or Battlefield Earth? I’m sorry to say that it isn’t.

Gran Torino
Michael and I put this on and realized that neither of us knew what it was about. I found myself giggling nervously at all the racial slurs, but ended up really liking Eastwood’s character in the end. His family sure sucked though.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
I have a love hate relationship with Kevin Smith. I like to hear him talk, and he seems to have good ideas, but he is so hung up on himself and his style that he sabotages his own movies. Parts of this were decent, but mostly it was just farcical with way too much vulgarity (words, not pictures). I’ve been spoiled by Apatow’s use of Seth Rogen - hysterical and sometimes raunchy, but with a point. This movie was too long and at the end, I felt used.

Pineapple Express
We re-watched this. You may recall that it was our first review for the site back when my hair was short and we took the time to actually edit our videos. It’s still okay. It isn’t perfect, but I still laugh through the whole thing and then freak out at the end. At least it holds up.

Some words about being a girl.

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:19:14 -0400

Do you find stories featuring undercurrents about the theoretical historic rivalry between vampires and werewolves to be redundant? Do you think that you are too smart for vampire books written for 13 year old girls? Do you think that Robert Pattinson is kind of weird looking?

TWILIGHT. You are wrong.

Now that I feel sufficiently like a 13 year old again, I am going to spend some quality time with Fairuza.

Showgirls

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:21:32 -0400

Since E.Money was in town we decided to watch a great American film called Showgirls .

I don’t have much to say about it except what is said, but I would like to strike my remark about “what I learned,” and update it to:

If you meet a psycho on the street who is beating up your car and vomits on you, you should buy her a burger and let her stay in your trailer because she’s BFF material.

Star Trek

Mon, 11 May 2009 23:34:22 -0400

For some reason (supreme nerdiness, don’t say it), Star Trek is still in my head this afternoon, so I figured I would type extemporaneously on the subject while I still can.

Characterization: I am hardly familiar with the characters from this franchise, but I know bits and pieces. This movie acts sort of like an origin story that is consistent with what I know (Kirk:horndog::Rice:white), but simultaneously contradicts and/or provides an alternate story line for the future stories in the canon. It’s confusing to me head, and I know it bothers Michael enough to have mentioned it twice in the movie theater.

Peeves: In the movies, how come they always send in troops who are actually cadets in training? Is this normal? Does this happen in real life? I know we have like, the Army Reserves and stuff, but do they sends dudes from West Point to take over for tenured captains and whatnot? I mean, I don’t know anything, just seems like one of those movie conventions I’m seriously tired of. Kirk says he’ll be a captain in 3 years, and the movie comes full circle. But it’s still a steaming pile.

Science: I am bad at science. Just ask Mr. Winterscheidt, my 12th grade Physics teacher for whom I wrote the “Physics: What’s Wrong with Masters of the Universe” paper to which I refer in the video. Not only did I get a mediocre grade on the paper (was I too vested in He-Man to undermine the teachings of Gwildor? or did I just use the same bullet points as everyone else in my study group?), I also got a mediocre grade for the entire class. Not that it still bothers me or anything.

FYI, Winterscheidt: I still believe the universe is made of Music.

I authoritatively informed Michael that light doesn’t travel in space because you can’t see the stars when you are there, and he looked at me askance. Turns out it’s sound that doesn’t travel in space, and you just can’t see the stars because they’re too flipping far away, obscured by the powerful light of the sun and Earth and junk like that. According to that internet, light travels faster in a vacuum (you know, like outer space), and so then I thought - well, maybe I will use this factoid to explain away the copious lens flares.

SNL: The clip I mention:

Enjoy.

e/b

The Legacy

Fri, 01 May 2009 19:10:11 -0400

In a world. Where everything is predictable. Where horror movies are always vampires or aliens or high school. Where creature creation overshadows story or denies subtlety…

The Legacy. The opposite of those things. For the most part.

Battlefield Earth

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:27:33 -0400

We heard that Battlefield Earth was bad, but we wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Besides, maybe we could be the two people on the planet who actually enjoyed this film, right? Right?!

Well.

It’s so awful that we’re not even going to post an Amazon link, because you know you don’t want to buy it. Without further ado, we humbly give to you our review of the film that won eight Razzie awards, Battlefield Earth: The Saga of the Year 3000 (yes, that’s the official title).

Monsters vs. Aliens

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 00:12:39 -0400

Recently, Michael and I have been watching really terrible movies like Sharks in Venice starring Stephen Baldwin and nobody else. I got gung ho about seeing something in a theatre despite having no clue what was out, and that’s how we ended up at Monsters VS. Aliens.

We liked it. Can you tell?

Police Academy Four and Five

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:37:00 -0400

A long time ago we watched Police Academy Four: Citizens on Patrol and Police Academy Five: Assignment Miami Beach. I meant to write something, but I didn’t, so sue me.

Citizens on Patrol, 1987
This is by far the best PA movie. I’m not sure whether I feel that way because it’s the one I have seen the most often, or because the franchise finally hit its stride. I won’t say this episode is subtle or nuanced in any way, but it does what it does, and it does it well. The whole series is based on misfits-as-crimestoppers - and PA 4 introduces some new misfits to love, including Sweetchuck, Mrs. Feldman and (how could I forget) the badath skateboarding David Spade.

There is (slightly) less overt racism and sexism, and thank God Captain Mauser is out of the picture.

In addition, Zed (Bobcat Goldthwait) gets to have a love affair, Hightower dresses as a voodoo doctor (or something? “yamma yamma yamma yaaaammah”), and both the Blue Oyster Bar and Steve Guttenberg make their final appearances. Plus, semi-legitimate actress Sharon Stone stars as the formulaic, plucky journalist /slash/ Mahoney-girl.

This movie scores bonus points because it was released on my fifth birthday.

Assignment Miami Beach, 1989
This was supremely disappointing. Rene Auberjonois as the jewel thief is one of the most irritating performances I may have ever seen, and the introduction of Cmdnt. Lassard’s nephew (Guttenberg’s replacement in subsequent films) is completely absurd. This is really unfortunate, but Matt McCoy! Steve Guttenberg you are not! The only endearing part is Lassard’s playfulness in doing his kidnappers’ bidding.

As if the other episodes weren’t poorly written enough, PA 5 throws all attempts at plot by the wayside and goes instead of a series of middle-school style, talent show skit gags. Look at that guy, he got “DORK” sunburned into his chest. Oh, look at that guy, his hat’s on fire. It’s not even that it was bad necessarily, it was just sad.

We still have movies six and seven to watch. As soon as Michael gets over his Gilmore Girls phase, we’ll get back to them. And you.

Watchmen

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:15:56 -0400

Over the weekend I went with our friend Jacob to see the new movie, Watchmen. Just so you all know, I had no knowledge of the characters or story before going into the theater so you’re not gonna get any fanboy swoonings or whinings here. This will be just what you’ve come to expect from me: an honest review from a guy with questionable taste in movies.

Every time I tell someone that I saw the movie they ask what I thought, and honestly, I still haven’t completely made up my mind. Let’s do a pro and con list to decide.

PRO: First off, I’m a total sucker for alternate histories so the Nixon-led cold war 80s setting really grabbed me. Tie this in with what I thought was a very well done and playfully violent opening title sequence telling the history of the group and I had a very good feeling. I thought it would be 2 hours and 45 minutes of Zack Snyder kicking my ass. That’s not what happened, but I had some excited warm fuzzies for a little while.

CON: I was very conscious of the music during the film, which means that for me it wasn’t good. I’ve talked to a lot of people about this, and apparently some of it was called for in the graphic novel. However, having “99 Luftballons” completely overtake a scene was abrupt and insultingly heavy-handed.

PRO and CON: The characters were, for the most part, genuinely interesting, and the story kept a good pace, making me completely forget that the movie was so long.The story often found ways to dig into the past and let us know more about the histories of the characters. The Dr. Manhattan origin story was really one of the best superhero origins I’d seen on film, but trying this with some of the other characters left me struggling to remember what was actually going on in the plot. Straying so much might have done a lot to make readers of the comic squeal as they wet their pants in joy, but I think that in a movie it could have been handled better. Rorschach’s story was fuckin’ harsh, though. It was awesome.

PROish: This isn’t really something I personally enjoyed about the movie, but Jacob saw three guys get up and leave the theater when they saw Dr. Manhattan’s wang for the first time. Actually, when that happens you see four of his wangs, and on a theater screen it’s a real facefull.

For me, I think that the Pantone 298 is really just funny, and I’m sorry those other guys couldn’t appreciate a joke, whether it was intentional or not. But while we’re on the subject of nudity…

CON: I definitely appreciate nudity in film, and in most cases I say pile it on, but in the Silk Spectre/Night Owl love scene it’s gratuitous and creepy. Combine the fact that it lasts too long, dwells on Patrick Wilson’s thrusting ass, and is set to Leonard Cohen singing “Hallelujah” and you might be able to see where I’m coming from. Not even the hotness of a totally naked Malin Akerman made it worthwhile. I just wanted it to stop.

Alright, thinking back on the film it was a bit scattered, but I guess I liked it overall. It was well done, well shot, disgustingly pretty, and certainly entertaining. And if anyone’s worried about seeing it because they don’t like comic books, you should know that I think the story would work whether or not the characters are in costume. Try it out, maybe you’ll be able to figure out how you feel about it better than I could.

Police Academies One through Three

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 09:39:00 -0500

A few kids came over this weekend for a movie screening and review. During the film selection process, Dave plopped down a box-set of Police Academies 1-7, which I instantly fell in love with. Unfortunately none of these comedic gems were chosen as the film du jour, but Michael and I have had fun with them since…

Michael watched 1 and 2, I watched the end of 2 and we both watched 3. As with most 80s movies I haven’t seen in many years, I realize what idiots most children are. Or at least, what an idiot I was… since I missed all the gags in those movies. Only the very pointed ones got through to me - that Hightower is gigantic and people are afraid of him, that Bobcat Golthwait is completely insane, that Commandant Lassard is a huge idiot, etc. (photo courtesy Dave also.)

Considering that the films weren’t “good” to start with, they certainly hold up. The plots are not complex, so there are few plot holes. The characters, despite being present in a full-on movie franchise, are pretty superficial, so you don’t really worry too much about characterization. (Although, if I were still in school, I would totally try to write a paper about racism and exploitation of African Americans in this franchise, particularly as it relates to the characters Hightower and Hooks, and try desperately not to get sidetracked by the subjectivication of women that is omnipresent also.)

So anyways. They are short and to the point – not much more effort than watching a one-hour TV drama. Everything wraps up neatly and with much sexual tension, er, harassment. A good time is had by all. Except the bad guys, natch.

If anything changes in films four through seven, I will be sure to report back. I’m particularly excited about 4, Citizens On Patrol - the last one that features Guttenberg. Unless he stars/directs the 8th one of course…